COMRADE Christopher Anamonye,
a civil servant in Delta State and his
wife, Grace, a business woman, are
from Obomkpa in Aniocha North Local
Government Area of the state. They got
hooked in marriage in 1994, and since
then, they have weathered the storms of
life together. In this interview with PAUL
OSUYI, the couple shared their experi-
ences and offered valuable advice for
younger couples.
How did you meet your wife?
Comrade Chris: It is a long story. In
the first place, we are from the same com- munity and we belong to the same faith.
We have been worshipping, seeing our-
selves, most especially for the fact that her
family and mine were very close. We have
a relationship.
Was it that closeness that
led to your marriage?
Comrade Chris: The closeness did
not lure us into marriage. It was a divine
connection because when her father was
alive, we never thought of marriage. It
was after the death of her father that the
spirit manifested that there was need for
me to get settled. When I decided to get
settled, who do I settle with? I needed
to look at those within the community. I
looked outside but did not find any, so I
came back to my community.
So where did you search?
Comrade Chris: I had relationship
with somebody from Obior, from Ubulu-
Uku, from Issele-Uku, and the search did
not yield fruit because there were one or
two things that were coming in and going
out. When God decided, I met her and ap- proached her. At the time I met her, she
was not in the village. I met her at Asaba
where she was schooling, and I invited her
to one of my cousin’s chemist shop. It was
there we spoke. I told her: ‘Babe, I am not
interested in courtship this time around,
I want your hands in marriage.’ She was
shocked. And she now said all this years
you never thought of it. I now said that
is the way God works; it is the time God
decided that I have come. She now said I
should give her time to pray. I allowed her.
I was residing in Benin then, but working
at Ajagbodudu. After about one month,
I went back to her, and she said it was
done. It was then I proceeded to meet my
parents to inform them that I have found
someone to settle with.
Madam, anything you want
to add?
Madam Grace: Exactly what hap-
pened. We were family friends. His dad
and my dad were so close, in short the
entire family. Anytime he visited the vil-
lage, our place is the first place he would
stop. But he never one day proposed to
me. Whenever he comes, we will em-
brace him as our brother. So immediate-
ly after the death of my daddy, he came
seeking my hands in marriage. So I said
we should pray and seek God’s guidance.
Then, they were coming, more than nine
suitors. I took the names for prayer and at
the end, his name was picked. And then I
said let me be sure, I wrote all the names
and folded in pieces of paper, and called
children around me to pick at random.
The first child picked, it was his name, I
folded the papers again for another child
to pick, again his name was picked. I did
it myself, and also picked his name. So
when he came back I said it is done.
Apart from that spiritual
exercise, what other
qualities did you find in him?
Madam Grace: When I was growing
up, there was this cousin of mine, when-
ever we were praying, she would say
God give me somebody that you created
with me. We were mocking her. So at a
time, I picked that prayer point and told
God that I wanted my missing rib. I don’t
want somebody who would be beating
me every day, I don’t want a smoker and/
or drunkard. And God did it. When he
(Chris) came, he has all the qualities that
I prayed for, and he is a God fearing man.
You said you had
relationships in Obior, Ubulu-
Uku, Issele-Uku. What did
you find in her that attracted
you?
Comrade Chris: Actually, you know
that life is not a bed of roses. There are
little things that happen in a man’s life. I
had done my spiritual angle before going
for her. I had encountered so many ladies
who did not actually suit my definition of
marriage. The major qualities that attract-
ed her to me is her Christian background,
her truthfulness. We have been interacting
even before we thought of marriage. We
are both of the Catholic Charismatic Re-
newal, and we do meet in the field. You
know we study people. I observe people
and I told God that I needed somebody
because I have problem with my stomach.
If I am hungry, I’m not your friend. So I
needed someone to cook and keep me at
home, not keeping me outside. And when
I found those qualities in her, I said it was
better to end the search and settle down
with her.
When you decided to get
married, was there any
opposition that you were
probably marrying your
sister?
Comrade Chris: Our closeness was
not with blood ties; we are from different
quarters. My father and her father were
close in relationship. The only person I
could report my father to when things
went wrong between us was her father.
And it is only her father that my father lis-
tened to. I happen to be the first son and
the heir apparent, and you know what it
is. It is always difficult for the heir appar-
ent to agree in certain areas of life with his
father.
So there was no opposition?
Comrade Chris: No! Even when I de-
cided to break the news, they were saying,
is that why you have been waiting?
In your proposal, there was
no funfair and all that. Why
did you decide to make it
low key?
Comrade Chris: It was a personal
thing. I took that decision after looking
into our relationship, and I had taken
the decision not to do anything elabo-
rate because you don’t know who is
who. If her family had allowed me to
marry her within two weeks after the
proposal, I would have done that be-
cause I was ready.
When he proposed, you
asked for time. When you
finally made up your mind,
how did you respond?
Madam Grace: When he came back,
I now said I had prayed, that there was
no problem, I am now ready. He was so
happy, so that is how we started.
What can you still remember
about your wedding
ceremony?
Comrade Chris: That day was a joyful
one. One thing I can’t forget in a hurry is
that that 1994, I celebrated my bachelor
eve on my birthday, August 26. I had
wanted to celebrate my marriage on the
26th but it was a Friday and so we chose
Saturday, 27. Then Rev. Fr. Anthony
Okure was the assistant parish priest in the
Jesuit community in St. Joseph Catholic
Church, Benin. When we were attending
marriage classes, he called us for discus- sion and he said that he hoped that the
political crisis will not stop us because it
was the second journey of Babagida and
Abiola race. We said no. People were run-
ning home but I was in Benin preparing
for my marriage. And in Benin City, that
day was a remarkable day. Every Satur- day in Benin, not less done 30 marriages
are celebrated but we were only four that
wedded in the entire city on Saturday Au- gust 27, 1994. Edo Broadcasting Service
(EBS) carried it in the news; that was how
we got to know. The news crew visited
those places where the marriages were
celebrated. It was in the news that a city
that had always witnessed above 30 mar-
riages on a Saturday had only four.
Madam Grace: It was my happiest day
because even others postponed their own,
we said we would not postpone it, that the
marriage must hold to the glory of God.
And God did it.
Can you still remember your
first misunderstanding as a
couple?
Comrade Chris: We never had personal
misunderstanding. The one we had, that was
in Ubulu-Uku when I was posted from Aja-
gbodudu. It was someone else’s issue that
brought the matter. She wanted me to under-
stand and key in, I now shouted at her because
she was persistent.
How did you resolve it?
Comrade Chris: After that squabble, we
resolved within ourselves. We now realised
that I had made a mistake and she realised
too where she made a mistake. And both of
us came together. Our motto is that whenever
we have issues, and realised the mistake, any-
body that is at fault must apologise by saying
‘Mummy/Daddy, please I am sorry.’ That is
the key word. After the apology, you pledge
that it will not happen again. Then we begin
to advise ourselves. We learnt that we should
not be taking people’s issues too far to cause
problems for us because we are distinct.
Madam Grace: Since we married, I can’t
recall having major issues, not that we don’t
have misunderstanding but we settle within
ourselves, we don’t invite a third party…
Comrade Chris: Even when our parents
lived with us, they never heard us quarrel, we
quarrel but we are able to settle.
What is his favourite food?
Madam Grace: He likes Nsala soup and
pounded yam. And I prepare it often.
What is her favourite food?
Comrade Chris: She is not the eating type.
But she likes groundnuts. Then salad with
little rice.
What is that peculiar thing that
you like in your spouse from the
beginning till now?
Comrade Chris: Her calmness.
Madam Grace: He is truthful and caring.
But is there any aspect of your
spouse’s life where you want to
see some improvement?
Madam Grace: No. I normally appreciate
him. Even the children pray to get somebody
like him, and I used to respond to them that
God will give you somebody that is better than
your daddy. At times, I tell him that if people
reincarnate, I will look for him in my second
life.
Comrade Chris: Life is dynamic, we keep
on improving. She has already improved, the
care she is giving has improved.
What is the place of pet name
in marriage, how does not
improve the home?
Comrade Chris: I call her Mummy and
she calls me Daddy. Everybody in the house
knows that, we play together with the children
and work together.
Was there any time in these
past 29 years when you have
been far apart from each other
and how did you cope?
Comrade Chris: We had such a challenge
when we started. I was residing in Benin
working in Ajagbodudu close to Oghareki in
Ethiope West Local Government Area of Del-
ta State. I was going from Benin every day. It
was only when I had backlog of work that I
slept at the official apartment in Ajagbodudu.
We wedded in August; I was posted out of Aja-
gbodudu to Ubulu-Uku. So on Monday morn-
ing, I will leave Benin for Ubulu-Uku. On Fri-
day afternoon, I am back to Benin. She was
in Benin then, and I did that for six months.
But with God and my landlord and family,
we were able to cope. I was thinking that they
would post me back, that was why I said let
me stay and watch. But when I discovered
that I could not be posted back, we discussed
the variables and discovered that we were too
young to stay apart. Within that period, God
blessed us. I now said if I began to leave her,
who would be assisting her? Apart from that
our landlord and landlady were very helpful.
They were very accommodating and humane.
Madam Grace: When they transferred him
to Ubulu-Uku, we thought that they would
transfer him back. I was coping. At that time,
there was no phone; we only saw when he
came around. I started coping with God and
the help of my good neighbours. My landlord
and his entire family, they took us as one of
their own. Even one of our neighbours, Vivian,
was always coming to check on me, as if she
was staying in my own apartment. And some
of his cousins were with us then. They were
working in RCC. So we now housed them. So
anytime they came around, they would stay
until we packed to Ubulu-Uku.
What is your advice for
bachelors?
Comrade Chris: They should not look at
monetary aspect of life in making their choices
of life partners. They should look at God first
and know what they desire for themselves.
They should consider their background and
the background of their proposed spouses.
This is very important. They should not look at
flamboyance or beauty in picking life partners.
That is deceptive. Somebody might be beauti-
ful yet not homely. She might be beautiful yet
not good in the kitchen. She might be beautiful
yet irresponsible and lacks good character that
can comprehend the man’s needs and wants.
They should equally ensure that you should be
able to attest to the person’s character to know
that this is someone you can vouch for at all
time, and the person is ready to pilot the af-
fairs with you. Because you may have a good
wife or husband yet they are not caring that the
home is kept in order. She may not have the
time to prop-
erly bring up the
children. That is
really a problem
in modern life.
People are busy
here and there,
and you are not
there for the
home. It is di-
sastrous. When
you are able to
reason together
on how the
home should be
handled, it gives
you a lesser
problem.
