Dear men in marriage

fdc chukwuneta oby
fdc chukwuneta oby

One ugly reality constantly being seen is men who run with their excesses, often to the detriment of all they should hold dear.

A major monster that is tormenting today’s marriages is the avalanche of unwholesome views all over the social media, which are finding their way to the hearts of married women. The attitude of men is also not making it easy for these women to filter all they come across in that section of the media.

There are two major things that the heart of a woman in marriage hungers for mostly; emotional intimacy and physical intimacy.

The average man in marriage is found wanting in the emotional aspect.

When you leave your woman’s heart hungry for it, all sorts or unwholesome influences will find their way to her heart.

Being married does not take vulnerability away from a woman if you are not fulfilling your marital roles in her life. Why do men take this fact for granted?

What is plaguing a lot of marriages is that women’s hearts are hungry for the kindness, compassion, empathy, loyalty and support that are not coming from their men. Yet, those are the unconditional offerings that should come from a spouse.

The average man in this age is too self-absorbed for comfort, and it seems to worsen in marriage.

As far as marriage is concerned, it is a mistake to carry on as if you have no obligations towards your spouse’s emotional well-being.

The heart of a woman is akin to a setting with multiple holes. Some of the holes you will need to fill with physical intimacy, some require emotional intimacy, while others can only be filled when you are doing your bit economically.

Some even have holes that only your extra, like intellectual ability, can fill.

The holes you are not bothering to fill up are there, and for as long as they are there, an unpleasant shadow is hovering over the marriage.

Now, the problem is not your inability to fill up these holes. The problem is when you are not making the effort.

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From experience, there is a category of men that every woman regrets mistreating, leaving or not ending up in marriage with. These men are not necessarily the richest, the most handsome or the most educated. They are men who are kind and men to whom fairness is a creed.

One quick realisation that every married man should come to is this; throwing caution to the wind and doing as you like out there comes at a cost and when the chips are down, the cost is hardly worth it.

A lot of what you pursue out there are fleeting needs.

Decency is the barest minimum that should accompany anybody into marriage, otherwise marriage is not for you.

The peace, happiness and pleasure you are mindlessly seeking out there; have you made efforts to enable a similar atmosphere in your home and it’s still missing?

A lady once told me about how her husband, a lawyer, made hotels his second home while the house they lived in remained unfinished.

The biggest undoing of the average man in marriage is not lifting a finger enough for the marriage they have huge expectations from.

Sometimes, discipline, moderation, tolerance, patience are more rewarding, even in troubled marriages.

What makes these virtues easier to live with is not because you are married to a saint. It’s your ability to look back at how far you both have come and still see the sacrifices/efforts she has put in.

If you don’t know how to look back, say in recollection of their good side, it is very hard to cope in marriage.

Frankly, a lot of men are turning good women into something else. It’s the experiences of these women that are shaping the narratives out there; narratives that will keep hurting marriages!

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